expanding my capacity to sit with uncomfortable feelings

Written By nyomi defiel

uncertainty, you're up first..

as a 30-something wrestling with which direction to pursue in regard to my career — pivoting (yet again) — and knowing that i have a tendency to connect career and purpose, i feel uncomfortable. it feels exhausting, heavy, and confusing.

close friends will tell you i'm the queen of a good reframe.

i've shifted those perspectives:

  • exhausting → exciting

  • heavy → freeing

  • confusing → curious

and that helped. i even got a bit of momentum. for a time.

then the discomfort of uncertainty returned, knocking on the door and inviting itself in like an old friend.

while journaling last night, i sparred with it — throwing questions like punches left and right, searching for clarity that would offer even a small measure of relief from the uncertainty.

i received no answers to the questions i asked.

battered and bruised, the uncomfortable feelings continued to sit with me.

i think they just wanted to be seen. to be felt and understood.

how quickly i resort to closing them out, reframing them, doing anything to avoid them — instead of simply being with them and holding them.

i know that i'll know what i need to know when i need to know it.

i can lean into hope and find solace in that trust.

and for now, i'm asking myself to have as much reverence for the "uncomfortable" feelings as i would for any "good" feelings.

ironically, i find comfort in knowing that i'm not the only one embracing being uncomfortable. this morning, a substack entitled Make Yourself Uncomfortable landed in my inbox — as if a nod, or perhaps a prescription, from the universe.

and maybe that's the invitation for today.

to let the discomfort sit beside me. to stop trying to solve it.

to trust that clarity will come when it's ready.

hop in uncertainty, we’re going for a drive.

nyomi defiel