the evening the bee came to circle
on loss, presence, and the sweetness we choose to seek
i’m part of a meditation and prayer circle that meets every monday evening.
most of the women who come regularly are in their 60s. a few pop in less frequently and are closer to my age (30s).
one of the younger women was audrie. she was very cool and eclectic, a bright light, with a love of nature and an inviting gentleness.
last week, audrie passed away in a rock-climbing accident.
audrie was a huge part of our small town community; her loss was palpable and devastating.
audrie doing what she loved
admittedly, i did not know audrie well. i would run into her at the coffee shop where she worked, and she would run into me at the bookstore where i work.
the morning she died, i was driving and she popped into my head. i was thinking about how drawn to her energy i felt. i told myself that next time she came to our circle, i would ask her to grab matcha.
a few days after the accident, our circle met to grieve together, each taking a turn to speak about how audrie had impacted them.
when it was my turn, i felt very tender, grieving a friendship that never came to be. i shared a conversation i had with her after a difficult meditation.
prior to meditating, everyone talks about what’s going on in their life or the overall energy. that week, for whatever reason, was hard for everyone, and it felt like we weren’t in a positive place.
i left feeling icky and unsettled. after the circle, i stopped audrie and asked if she noticed it too. i felt affirmed when it wasn’t just me. i told her i thought i needed to take a break from the group to protect my energy.
audrie took a moment to think and offered that maybe instead of stepping away, we try something else.
after the weekly share and before going into our silent meditation, we go around and have everyone say one thing they are grateful for. that way, it shifts the energy toward love.
i remember thinking, wow. she’s so right. what a beautiful idea that helps not only me, but the entire group.
here i was, worried about myself, and audrie was reminding me that sometimes connection can be more important than protection.
as i was telling the story, a bee was buzzing around the circle.
it flew in front of every person in the group, and when i wrapped up the story, it buzzed away.
we all looked at each other like… could that have been? was that audrie? we just nodded, knowing what we felt.
it felt like audrie was still guiding us, redirecting our attention.
prompted by the bee, another woman in the group shared a teaching she had heard. it was passed down from don miguel ruiz, the four agreements.
like flies or bees, what we seek, we find. fly toward negativity, and that’s what surrounds us. buzz toward positivity, and we attract sweetness into our lives. are you a fly drawn to suffering you hold from your past, or a bee savoring the nectar of the present moment?
both the story i shared about audrie, and the bee that felt like a message, were reminding us to focus on the positive instead of holding on to negativity.
audrie is a testament to the butterfly effect. her ripple is far and wide.
i’m grateful to have known her for the brief time that we shared.
if her life left me anything, it is this nudge: keep turning toward love. maybe this is your reminder, too, to choose the sweetness whenever you can.